I'm honestly surprised that this feeling didn't come sooner. I knew it would at some point but it kind of crept up on me.
I love my job and what I do, but it is hard. I don't mean hard like "I have so many deadlines this month" (although sometimes that can be the case). Some of the tougher things I've had to see or hear about during my time here really started weighing on me lately. And while most of the times I can snap out of it and remember the importance of what I'm doing and the positive effect it has, last week I just couldn't.
One instance was during Women's Health Week. I hadn't gone to clinic that day but my work wife Bee had. A women came for a consultation from Casa Esperanza, a shelter for women who were previously in prostitution. Although I haven't been a clinic PD in the New Year, as soon as Bee started recounting her story I knew which patient she was referring to. This woman is very distinct because she only has one arm. She had come in to take advantage of the free consults that week and while she was there Bee heard her story. This woman had her arm hacked off with a machete by her former pimp. She has other scars on her face and torso from the same instance. I took a second to absorb the information, process it and compartmentalize.
The next instance was the following week. We had a spring break group here working on a spay/neuter project in the community. Madi and Jackie had recruited heavily because people here usually can't afford to have this surgery done and don't see the need for it. The morning of the event involved a lot of walking around Cedro Galan to get pets and reminder phone calls because very few scheduled patients were showing up. The one exception was around 9:00 a woman showed up fifteen minutes early with her dog and the flier we had given her earlier in the week with all the information. She was enthused and ready to go.
Fast forward three hours. This dog was still in surgery because upon opening her up to remove her ovaries, the vet found that she had cervical cancer as well. They worked on her for hours and did everything they could be she was still hemorrhaging. This seemed immensely unfair. The woman who was ready to go and early for her appointment had to watch her dog as it struggled. The recent stress of this time of year and the heavy stories and events made this day a bit of a culmination of emotion for me.
But the silver lining came, it just took a bit longer to manifest itself.
Despite the difficulty of these events it motivated me for another. The Cedro Galan 5k (which I know you all have heard about incessantly) was this past Sunday and was a riveting success (special thanks to Madi and Andrew for all their hard work). It helped me put in perspective all of the many uses for the clinic. It provides physical care. But it is also a refuge, a shelter, a source of strength and community, and so much more.
Despite the difficulties of seeing what goes on there, I know that it's existence is absolutely essential to this community. So thank you to all who have tolerated my posting and who have supported the cause in any way. We raised over $7000 for the clinic for the coming year so that it may continue to serve as many different things under one roof.
I love my job and what I do, but it is hard. I don't mean hard like "I have so many deadlines this month" (although sometimes that can be the case). Some of the tougher things I've had to see or hear about during my time here really started weighing on me lately. And while most of the times I can snap out of it and remember the importance of what I'm doing and the positive effect it has, last week I just couldn't.
One instance was during Women's Health Week. I hadn't gone to clinic that day but my work wife Bee had. A women came for a consultation from Casa Esperanza, a shelter for women who were previously in prostitution. Although I haven't been a clinic PD in the New Year, as soon as Bee started recounting her story I knew which patient she was referring to. This woman is very distinct because she only has one arm. She had come in to take advantage of the free consults that week and while she was there Bee heard her story. This woman had her arm hacked off with a machete by her former pimp. She has other scars on her face and torso from the same instance. I took a second to absorb the information, process it and compartmentalize.
The next instance was the following week. We had a spring break group here working on a spay/neuter project in the community. Madi and Jackie had recruited heavily because people here usually can't afford to have this surgery done and don't see the need for it. The morning of the event involved a lot of walking around Cedro Galan to get pets and reminder phone calls because very few scheduled patients were showing up. The one exception was around 9:00 a woman showed up fifteen minutes early with her dog and the flier we had given her earlier in the week with all the information. She was enthused and ready to go.
Fast forward three hours. This dog was still in surgery because upon opening her up to remove her ovaries, the vet found that she had cervical cancer as well. They worked on her for hours and did everything they could be she was still hemorrhaging. This seemed immensely unfair. The woman who was ready to go and early for her appointment had to watch her dog as it struggled. The recent stress of this time of year and the heavy stories and events made this day a bit of a culmination of emotion for me.
But the silver lining came, it just took a bit longer to manifest itself.
Despite the difficulty of these events it motivated me for another. The Cedro Galan 5k (which I know you all have heard about incessantly) was this past Sunday and was a riveting success (special thanks to Madi and Andrew for all their hard work). It helped me put in perspective all of the many uses for the clinic. It provides physical care. But it is also a refuge, a shelter, a source of strength and community, and so much more.
Despite the difficulties of seeing what goes on there, I know that it's existence is absolutely essential to this community. So thank you to all who have tolerated my posting and who have supported the cause in any way. We raised over $7000 for the clinic for the coming year so that it may continue to serve as many different things under one roof.
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